10 Ways to Care for and Grow Your Friendships
Making and keeping friends as an adult can feel a lot harder than it did when we were kids. As adults we are busy juggling responsibilities. Some of us are steeped in caring for young children. Others of us might be helping aging parents or feel exhausted after long hours at work. It can be hard to carve out time for ourselves, let alone time for our friends! But adult friendships are vital to our feelings of connection and support. Today we’re sharing 10 ways to help build and nurture your friendships.
Say Yes
It can be so easy to say no or turn down plans, especially when we are stressed and tired. Trying saying yes to opportunities and invitations. Find a way to follow through and commit to not flaking on the plans you’ve made. The more you show up for others, the more they will show up for you too. If you suffer from anxiety or fear new social situations, remember the person who invited you wants to spend time with you!
Make the Effort
After two years of many canceled and rescheduled plans, one of the most important things we can do for our friends is show up. Show up for moments both big and small. Utilize your calendar to jot down dates you want to remember. This applies to birthdays and anniversaries, but small moments too! If your friend has a big presentation at work or a challenging day ahead, make note of it on your calendar and reach out with a word of encouragement before the event.
Favorite Things
Tune into your friends’ favorite things. Keep a list of their favorite things and find time to deliver when you can. Maybe you show up with their favorite coffee order or drop a small bag of their favorite sweet treats on their porch. You can send a bouquet of their favorite flowers to their new office on the first day of a new job. Or surprise them with takeout from a special place.
Mundane
Boring tasks are made so much better with a friend. Coordinate days when you can run your essential and boring errands together. It might mean going to get the oil changed or standing in line together at the post office. Maybe it’s a trip to the dreaded DMV! Friends make everything better.
Checking In
Each week ask yourself how you’ve connected socially. Carve out small moments to check in on friends. Call a friend and preface the call saying it will be a short 5-minute call. Send a text to say good morning and ask how a friend’s week is going. Keep a stack of blank notecards and stamps handy and send a handwritten note to a friend. Checking in will keep your friendship thriving and help you feel more connected to each other.
Celebrate Victories
Celebrate your friend’s success with an open heart and full support. Our friends deserve our cheerleading without an ounce of jealousy or bitterness. Sometimes a friend’s success will bring a string of emotions with it. We may wonder why we haven’t experienced the same success or wish for our own victories. Find a way to work through those feelings without burdening your friend with those feelings. Shower them with genuine support. Remind yourself that you are on your own timeline and their success takes nothing away from your own.
Build Trust
True friendship develops when we can genuinely be our whole messy selves with a friend. Friends see our best parts and those we are less proud of. Get vulnerable with a friend and openly share what’s on your heart. Demonstrate your trust in them by sharing about yourself. When you are in need of help, ask for it. Trust your friend to help support you. Friends like to feel needed. By demonstrating your vulnerability, your friend will in turn feel more comfortable being themselves with you.
Take the Lead
Often when a friend is facing a tough time it can be hard to find the right words or ways to support them. We may find ourselves texting, “I am so sorry you’re going through this. Let me know how I can help.” Instead of asking how you can help, take the lead and simply help. Keep it easy. You might say, “I will drop dinner one night this week on your porch. Which night is best for you?” Or maybe you place a grocery order for a friend with some pantry staples and a few treats to be delivered to their home. Your friend will not only be grateful for the help, they will appreciate the unprompted support!
Skills & Clubs
Think about connecting with each other through a class or joining a club. Learning a new skill together can be a great way to connect and have fun. Choose something you’ve always wanted to try. Perhaps you’ve wanted to volunteer with a local nonprofit. Invite a friend to join you. Going through an adventure or experiencing something new can bring you closer together. If you have a bigger group of friends, think about starting a club. This might be a tried and true book club, or perhaps you try something new like an articles club, podcast club, cookbook club or host a craft night.
Consistency
Consistency is key to deepening a friendship. Finding more moments to connect will bring you closer as friends. Think about a standing date on the calendar for a weekly walk or to meet for tea or lunch. Banish the phrase “It would be great to get together soon!” from your friendship and instead get specific about dates and times when you will see each other. We might never see our friends if we don’t take the initiative to make and follow through on plans.
We want to hear from you! How have your friends shown you support? How do you make time for the friends in your life?