How to Lessen Your Mental Load
We humans keep a lot of things in our head. If you’re anything like me, your brain is often in multitasking mode. While I’m getting the kids dressed and their lunches packed, there’s a running list of reminders scrolling in the background of my mind: pay the dental bill, schedule the plumber, make a vet appointment, exchange that sweatshirt that’s missing a button, get flour to make birthday cupcakes, and the list goes on. Throughout the day, I find myself making mental notes of things to buy, make, fix, schedule, order, replace, refill, prevent, budget for, and so on. That doesn’t even include all of the dozens of things piling up for my actual paying job. And that’s not to say the remembering, organizing, and keeping tabs on all of the things isn’t work. It most certainly is work, work that is often carried by women. And the invisibility of that work, or our mental load, sometimes feels too much to bear.
When deciding what to eat for dinner sends me into a crisis on conscience, I know it's time to hit reset and be more intentional about lessening that mental load.
If decision fatigue has you swirling, here’s a few steps to free up much-coveted brain space and give yourself some room to breathe.
Technology is your friend. Set reminders for yourself. Put bills on autopay. Use a note sharing app that allows your household to view and edit shared grocery lists. If there are certain things you order regularly, set up a subscription. Set up a joint calendar so your partner and family members can step in and takeover school pick-ups or meal making when they see your calendar is especially packed. Set up a calendar just for meals. Or one just for family appointments. Delegating responsibility can be a chore in and of itself. Technology can help others anticipate your needs, and the needs of the household, without forcing you to play taskmaster.
Make note. Take note. One way to get nagging to-dos out of your head is to get them onto paper. If you’re reminding yourself to fix the ottoman leg every time you pass, add it to your (written) to-do list, give yourself some grace, and get to it when you can.
Writing things down can also be helpful in making visible all of the things you’re trying to balance. This can help paint a picture of all of the things you carry and allow you to determine the things you can maintain while keeping your sanity, and the things you can delegate. You’re probably doing so many things on autopilot, you may not even be aware of how large of a mental load you’re carrying from day to day.
Open the lines of communication. I often wish the people in my life were mind readers. Or that I could communicate telepathically. But until then, I have to make sure I’m intentional about articulating my needs, especially when they’re often changing. Ask for help when you need it.
I love cooking and meal planning. My Saturday trip to the farmers’ market is often something I look forward to all week. But some weeks, I’m up to my neck in other engagements and I tell my partner “You’re in charge of food this month!” and that’s one thing I can get off my plate. We sometimes need breaks from the things we love (like our kids!). When that’s the case, let it be known!
Enlist strangers. It’s wonderful having a circle of trust and people we can turn to. But sometimes, complete strangers can be a lifeline. If you need to do some mental decluttering, have your groceries delivered. Order in. Use a home cleaning service. Outsourcing is wonderful, especially if it keeps your brain from exploding.
Celebrate. It’s easy to focus on the things we have not yet done rather than the many things we do in a day. Take pause and treat yourself. You’re only one person and we’re all just out here trying to do our best.
How do you lessen your mental load? Let us know in the comments.