Adjusting to Life with a New Baby

Emily here! I became a mother last October and as my baby is rapidly approaching her first birthday (but really, how did that happen so quickly?!), I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I’ve learned about adjusting to this new phase of life. I’d love to share some of my thoughts here in the hopes that you feel seen and helped, regardless of your parenting lifestyle and schedule.

Shifting Expectations

One of the most helpful things for me has been to allow my expectations to shift as I’ve adjusted to taking care of a newborn. My all-time favorite movie is Dan in Real Life and the takeaway that always makes me laugh is when Dan ends the movie with the advice, “Plan to be surprised.” Nothing could be more accurate for raising a baby! I was surprised by how tired I was. I was surprised by how stressed and neurotic I was about germs. I was surprised by how much longer it took me to do everyday tasks. But, when I shifted my expectations and allowed myself to embrace the surprises in this new phase, I was able to enjoy it for what it was.

I learned to make sleep a priority and to ask for help. I felt empowered to say “no” to things that would add stress. I learned which priorities mattered (sometimes it was snuggling, sometimes it was fitting in a shower when I’d rather take a nap). But most importantly, I learned to be gentle with myself. I’d never done this before and I was going to make mistakes and that was okay!

Do What Works for You

Adjusting to life with a new baby has meant being flexible with how I keep a visual and written record of our lives. As I was nearing the end of my pregnancy, I made sure the images on my phone were being automatically backed up. This gave me so much peace of mind! I’m also working on printing my favorite photos from this first year of my daughter’s life. My parents had a box of photos for each child and I have many fond memories of sifting through my box. I want my daughter to inherit tangible records of her life, not just hard drives.

I was always a diligent journal-keeper growing up, but I’ve had to be flexible with myself as life changes have made it difficult to hand write a long journal entry every night, especially with a new baby. Instead, I’ve been jotting down notes on my phone (that are also being automatically backed up) whenever there’s a detail or story about her that I don’t want to forget. I’ve still handwritten a few entries here and there about extra important things, but I’m glad I also have a more frequent record of all the little details. I plan to print out this list so she also has a physical copy.

I think the most helpful thing for me to remember while taking pictures and jotting down journal entries is “done is better than perfect.” If I were to expect myself to hand write every thought and story from this first year, I would have much less written down. I think it’s so important to do what works for you in this new and exhausting phase!

Embracing My New Body

I think like any woman, body image has been a life-long struggle for me. But I was surprised at how much awe I felt for my body and its abilities after giving birth. Instead of feeling shame for all of the stretch marks and extra skin, I was quite overcome with how truly powerful and miraculous my body is. I chose to lean into and hold onto those feelings. 

I think it also really helped to surround myself with positive body messages. This meant talking positively to myself about my body, following social media accounts that reinforced body positivity and inclusiveness, and rejecting messages I received from well-intentioned friends and family about “getting my body back.” Birth is such a life-changing experience — you can’t expect yourself to be the same again. Instead, I’ve tried to embrace my new body, to love it, to be grateful for it. I’ve given myself permission to buy or make new clothes that fit instead of hoping I’ll someday fit into old clothes that fit an old body. 

Embracing my new body affects so much of what I do each day. It gives me the mental and emotional space for the most important things instead of holding me back while I obsess over my “flaws”. But most importantly, I know my example will have an incredible influence on my daughter’s self-image and I never want her to feel less than what she is: my perfect, curious, bright, happy baby with unlimited potential.